Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

Is homosexuality an excommunicable offense in Christianity?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I see through liars

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Why is the word "democracy" not in the preamble of the US Constitution?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I actually pay taxes

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

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I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I’m a man. Why do I always fantasize about men’s cock? I don’t want a relationship with the man, I just want to suck his cock.

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know who the president of Turkey really is

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I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

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I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

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I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

What is your biggest mistake or regret?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Do you have any problem dating a younger man?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for fakery

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

What measures do celebrities take to protect their images from being used for commercial purposes without permission? How much does this typically cost them?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

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Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

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I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

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I have complete contempt for traitorism

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

How do you get a girl to like you?

I have a reading level above third grade

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

Is 1500 calories enough for a 5’3 15-year-old who is non-active?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I can read

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I can count

I don’t buy bullshit

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is